Just Motoring Along

Dearest Senator Fill-in-the-Blank,

I realize that in the heady atmosphere that is Washington D.C. it can be difficult to get the proper air and perspective that most of the rest of the nation enjoys, but allow me to proffer a simple request: Please do not give the automobile manufacturing industry the free money that they are requesting.

Oh yes, I do realize that it is being called a loan, a secured investment, an insurance policy for American manufacturing and the economy at large, but let's us not lie to each other here in private.  These companies have been playing with huge salaries, silly designs and obsolete thinking for as long as I have been aware of automobiles, say, 35 years.  That they now come limping to the United States taxpayer to pull their collective pants up for them is nauseating.  The UAW and the entire salaried management ought to be taken to the National Mall and flogged for stupidity, then sent home with no dinner.  These people have been instrumental in bringing about their own current straits, and should be allowed to get a nice large portion so they can savor the flavor, and perhaps, hopefully, learn not to do it again.

This is as much the fault of the United States government, as well.  After all, they encouraged this idiotic behavior by handing Lee Iacocca his little satchel of money back in the late seventies instead of letting a poorly run corporation end its sad life in the way that all failing businesses should, by closing their doors and becoming a byword for those who might learn a lesson.  The fact that Chrysler is again back with its hand out is telling enough.  They didn't learn anything back then, and to assume that they will learn anything this time is pure foolish silliness.

But why do I sound so grievously uncharitable, you may wonder?  What causes me to be so harsh in my assessment of the potential benefits that this free money scam might provide?  Allow me to refresh your memory of recent events, events all of two short months ago.  For it was just two months ago that the corpulent financial houses presented themselves before the United States government and threatened dire consequences if they were not allowed to suckle long and deeply from the taxpayer wallet.  The Stock Market would Crash! Financial Ruin would be Loosed Upon America! Savings would be Wiped Out! Confidence in American Institutions would Fail!  Lo!  Congress, led by the Sages of the Senate, bowed low, and calmly decided that they had 900 Billions of Dollars sloshing about with no useful moorings that could be funneled into well-deserving pockets.  The outcome?  Well, it seems that the stock market went ahead and plummeted over 1000 points, financial ruin is rumbling around in a jolly way, many bystanders savings have somehow lost a tremendous amount of what used to be there, and there is a decided lack of confidence currently floating about in the ether.

Thank You Congress!  We humbly genuflect toward the land of pandering politicians, and thankfully hope that there are no further blessings being meted out this holiday season.  Yes, I am requesting that the automobile executives be politely told to permanently drop a few zeros off their paychecks, and learn how to not be so stupid in the future if such large risks are at stake.  If all three of the major automobile manufacturers are allowed to die, there will, no doubt, be some silly dreamer or two who will decide that they can build a car that Americans will buy, and PRESTO! American automobile manufacturing will once again rise.  Of course, that PRESTO! may take a while to come about, but there is no rule that unbounded desire has to be met before the end of the next quarterly earnings report.